WHY DO YOU DO IT?

My cousin Lois has a wealth of experience and thoroughly enjoys discussing numerous topics. Anyone conversing with my aging cousin, so full of life at 87, would agree that she can easily pass for 27; her youthful zest says it all. Once a young, glowing bride, as pictured above, she now sits trapped in a home for the aged.

When I called Lois to tell her that on the night before my birthday, I finally finished all the family newsletters I’ve been working on for months and months, she sighed. Curiously Lois questioned the total number of newsletters I sent to cousins near and far. 

Off I went to my computer to check the numbers. I calculated a whopping 477, including the one snail-mailed to Lois, which I alerted her to be on the lookout for in about three days. The others were sent electronically via email. When I told Lois I requested an acknowledgment of receipt with my emails, and merely a couple of dozen replies came in, she responded, “Oh dear, why do you do it?”

After listening to her concerns about the hefty newsletters that I devote so much time and energy in preparing, I somewhat satisfied her by saying that I do it for my descendants who should know their family history. Furthermore, since it’s free to email, my feeling is, why not share the information with the entire family? Maybe someday they’ll need or want the information.

Lois responded, “You’re driven." With that, I told her that one cousin said it was my calling. Laughing, in typical Lois style, she admitted that she thought of that as well but didn’t want to sound too religious. 

The answer to her question of why I continue to send the lengthy newsletters to over 400 relatives when most don’t even take a minute to let me know that it was received, is complicated. I explained that some cousins wait until they see me and then express how much they look forward to receiving my newsletters.

Minimally, I added, we always taught our children to finish what they started, and we practice what we preach. Admittedly, it's rewarding when a cousin tells me how many relatives I’ve brought together, or that they've rediscovered long-lost relatives. Any such reply makes up for the other 400 who never responded.

For the first several years, at great personal expense, I printed and mailed the newsletters via U.S. mail. My self-imposed yearly December deadline lasted about a dozen years. The last two issues were written biennially with the dates of issue creeping over to spring and sometimes summer.

Although I always knew I had a cousin Lois in Ohio who, while raising her four children, lived in various states and countries around the world, I only got to know this family gem after searching her out. It’s entertaining to chat about a variety of subject matters with my most senior cousin in exchange for her honest opinion and sage advice. Assuredly, she always wants what’s best for me. Lois bemoans that she failed to keep in touch with relatives over the years.

Interestingly, while my mother and Lois's mother were sisters, we each had a bond with our many maternal aunts and uncles at different stages in life. Lois only knew seven of our mutual aunts and uncles, as well as my parents when she and they were younger. Whereas, I, on the other hand, living across the country, only got to know several of our aunts and uncles when they were older. Since they had moved out west years earlier, it took until I could afford to travel and visit. 

My newsletters contain an abundance of family information, memorabilia, and recent, as well as nostalgic photos. The current issue of my newsletters, on Lois and my maternal side, includes pictures from Lois’s first marriage the January before I was born in July 1953. The wedding was at the home of our mutual aunt and uncle in Ohio. 

The black and white photos displaying images of our aunt and uncle who hosted the nuptials made a big hit with our cousins. Sharing such memorabilia is a surefire way of getting to know one another. 

Digressing for a moment, in last week’s blog post, I mentioned that my mother and my mother-in-law each had a brother who served in WWI. On my mother’s side, it was her brother Al, the uncle who, along with his wife, hosted Lois’s wedding. After years of research, I secured his military records, about which his children knew nothing. 

In an attempt to share this noteworthy documentation with the rest of the family, I wrote a book. Kitchen Talk details years of research told through family stories; it contains a comprehensive family history for the generations to come. The finely tuned pages will also educate non-family members on the importance of a complete family story, with ideas to easily follow when working on their family history.

Alas, the loss of a parent brings a time to reflect. That's when people often realize what remains are unanswered questions about family. Several cousins have told me, at that time, the information in my newsletters filled a gap.

If nothing else, writing the newsletters has honed my writing skills, and sending copies to all our cousins keeps the family connected. Plus, my contact list keeps growing and is continually updated. I’ve been archiving the family tree records for over 30 years. My next project involves charting all the additional family information I've garnered.

Undoubtedly, when I call to chat with Lois and tell her what I’m working on, she’ll ask me again, "Why do you do it?" This time my candid reply will be, it's a tough job, but someone has to do it.

Whether they take the time to say so or not, I know in my heart of hearts that many relatives will appreciate receiving a comprehensive family tree. If my efforts generate even one renewed relationship, fuel a family bond, or become the impetus for a family reunion, that will be the icing on the cake.

Now, off I go to input the new information into the family tree charts. Lois and I will have lots more to gab about soon.

Uncle Al (military photo below) and Aunt Rose Freed hosted Lois’s wedding 1953

Cousin Lois at her 1953 wedding-pinning corsage on her mom-my Aunt Estelle

Uncle Al WWI Listed here with his birth name, he later changed his name to Alfred Freed and was known to me as Uncle Al