ONE OF MY PET PEEVES-GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE WHEN THEY'RE DEAD

Seated in the middle of the picture above is a woman named Barbara Mason. We saw her at our friend Marie’s annual BBQ last summer. Since Marie’s husband wanted to go ahead with the 2020 BBQ, and she was uncertain due to the distancing rules, she diplomatically polled the regulars on the guest list.

The results showed that after 35 consecutive years, the BBQ would be side-lined this year by the COVID-19 pandemic. Otherwise, we would expect to see Barbara and her husband Jim there.

Suddenly, a text message from Marie revealed, “Forgot to tell you, our friend Barbara Mason passed away this weekend from lung cancer. They came to our party every year; her husband was Jim. That’s Barbara in the middle with the striped shirt last year."

I responded, “Of course, I know Barbara!! I’m shocked!! When was she diagnosed? Please give Jim our sincere condolences.” The shocking text message and revealing obituary explain why getting to know a person when they’re dead is a pet peeve of mine. 

After reading the obituary (below) that Marie sent along, I must admit that I didn’t “know” Barbara. I realize now there are many things we could have discussed. Why should I feel bad? Even her friend Marie, who had her on the shortlist for the BBQs, emailed the obituary saying, “lots I didn’t know about her.”  

As we were growing up, walking to school together or taking the bus to high school, and just hanging out after school, I knew everything about Marie. That was from the time we met when I moved to Elizabeth in the middle of sixth grade until we graduated from high school. These days, we take whatever opportunities we get to catch up. We’re still close friends and are there for each other, including attending all milestone events and, of course, the yearly BBQ. Yet, I can bet there are lots of things we don’t know about each other now.

If you have been following my Tuesday blog posts, you know I am a consummate researcher, and I'm all about making connections and bestowing legacies. 

Curtailed by social distancing, there’s even less of a chance to get to “know” people we see/saw often or not so often before COVID-19 had us close up shop. Too bad it took an obituary such as Barbara’s to give us a lesson on why we should get to know others. 

As a matter-of-fact, my husband and I have another casual friend with the same married name. We know this religious Jewish woman about the same number of years as we were acquainted with the deceased Christian Barbara Mason. She also happens to be a retired school teacher. Had I known more about them, I would have introduced the two women. They would have had quite the conversation. 

Obituary from Asbury Park Press:

“Point Pleasant - Barbara E. Mason, of Point Pleasant, died of lung cancer on July 3, at Trustbridge Hospice, West Palm Beach, FL.

Barb was born on December 27, 1950 to Joseph and Catherine (Tylecki) Eakley and grew up in Millburn, NJ, graduating from Millburn High School in 1968. She then attended Kean University (then Newark State College) and graduated with a BA in History in 1972.

Barb enjoyed learning and going to school. While in college, she spent a semester in Denmark, studying at the University of Copenhagen. She later collected a variety of degrees and certifications including Master of Library Science, master's level certification in Educational Technology, and New Jersey School Administrator's certification. She was also certified as an elementary teacher, teacher of English as a Second Language, teacher of Holocaust Studies, and NASA Moon Rock Handler.

Barb first taught at St. Dominic's School, Brick and also worked at Jenkinson's Pavilion. After having her first child she became an agent at Ralph S. Hayes Real Estate, Point Pleasant Beach. Later Barb decided to become a librarian and, upon graduating with her MLS from Rutgers became the children's librarian at the Ocean County Library's Point Pleasant Beach branch. She then chose to follow a career as a school librarian and became an Educational Media Specialist at the Lloyd Road Elementary School, Matawan. In 1992 Barb joined the faculty of the Brielle Elementary School where she was an Educational Media Specialist until she retired in 2016. At Brielle, she also developed and implemented the Holocaust and ESL programs and was advisor to the Sewing and Chess Clubs, despite not knowing how to play chess. Barb served several years as Corresponding Secretary of the Brielle Education Association.

She and Jim made their home in the Bay Head Shores section of Point Pleasant from 1983 until 2019 when they downsized to a smaller place in town. After Barb retired in 2016, they became snowbirds, wintering in South Palm Beach. They enjoyed travel and over the years visited Europe, Canada, Central America, Mexico and Cuba in addition to many states in this country. Barb also went to Israel on a grant to study at the Yad Vashem Center for the Holocaust at Hebrew University in Jerusalem.

Barb was a terrific mom and a great Babcia to her grandchildren. She was proud of her Polish heritage and when things didn't go right, she could let loose with some earthy Polish expressions. She loved gardening and working in the yard. Barb was The Plant Whisperer. People would bring her plants that were seemingly beyond hope and they would almost invariably recover under her care. Barb's chocolate chip cookies were the best ever. She was a virtuoso with a sewing machine and enjoyed knitting and crocheting. Her calligraphy was excellent art.

When asked what she wanted to be remembered for, Barb said ‘My sense of humor’, which was decidedly offbeat.

Among other things, Barb was known for was her collection of meat grinders, which she foraged for at garage sales and eventually accumulated 165. She wanted to be in the Guinness Book of World Records but Superstorm Sandy wiped out most of her collection, much to the relief of her family.

Barb had a remarkable quality of innocence. Some might describe it as naivete. 

While in Israel she bought a few souvenirs for family and friends. Among these was what she thought was an odd but attractive device. She didn't recognize a water pipe, also known as a bong. Before leaving Israel, a member of her study group explained what it was and said it might prove problematic at US Customs. So, Barb prevailed on another friend in the group to pack it in his luggage, betting that Customs would not closely check the bags of the Archbishop. of Pittsburgh. Her plan worked and she was able to present the gift to a startled teenage son.

She wasn't great at remembering names and her later recollection of them was often hilarious: one of her favorite films was The Sheetrock Revolution, a/k/a The Shawshank Redemption; then there is the well-known rapper, Lupus Fantastico, who usually goes by the name Lupe Fiasco; and Sparkle McFarkle, a former school administrator whose real name is lost to history.

We miss her terribly.

Barb was predeceased by her parents, her brother Thomas Eakley and her sister Rita Eakley Malmquist. She leaves her husband James, her daughter Catherine McCarthy (Kevin) of Holmdel, her son Michael (Nicole) of Point Pleasant and her grandchildren Mason McCarthy, Sean McCarthy, Lucia Mason and James Mason. In addition to many other family members and friends she also leaves her They Might as Well Be Sisters, Inger Dooley.

Barb was cremated in Florida and funeral arrangements in New Jersey will be announced at a later date.

To Plant Memorial Trees in memory, please visit our Sympathy Store.

Published in Asbury Park Press from Jul. 7 to Jul. 8, 2020”

Sharon and Marie 2014 Lindner BBQ