FILLING IN PIECES OF THE FAMILY TREE PUZZLE — DEAD OR ALIVE
If I don’t find you when you’re alive, or if I do and you won’t give me the information to fill in your branch of the family tree, I’ll find you when you’re dead. That is, in most cases.
When a cousin on my husband’s side contacted me about finding the burial grounds of an in-law, I quickly gave her the answer. After searching for her ancestor, I decided to try to find other relatives in my tree. For example, Cousin Bernie had told me that I should not try contacting his sister’s daughter Ellen, born in June 1950 in Baltimore, Maryland. I don’t know what secrets Bernie and his sister took to their graves about her, but I filled in a few details on the family tree puzzle by locating Ellen’s tombstone and obituary.
“On November 15, 2014, Ellen Ruth Ozur; survived by loving family and friends.
“Funeral services and interment will be held at Har Sinai Cemetery - Garrison Forest Road, on Sunday, November 16, at 10 am.
“Please omit flowers. Contributions in her memory may be sent to the charity of your choice.”
Notes from another cousin named Ellen, on my husband’s side this time, showed her father told her his mother had a stillbirth between the births of him and his sister. I went back to a trusted website of gravesites, where I found three stillbirth babies with the family name interred on those grounds. They happened within three consecutive years between the births of Ellen’s father and aunt. The babies, buried in a cemetery in Staten Island, lay at rest about nine miles from where the family was living in Elizabeth, N.J. When I called the cemetery, the clerk suggested I email hebrewfreeburial.org. I followed up immediately.
The response was:
“We checked both of the Baby Bernsteins who died in 1909 and 1910 and neither had father’s with the name Abraham. Back then the father, if there was one, was listed as the applicant. There is no other relative information. We would not have any information on children or adults that we did not bury.”
My search continues with a lead on searching other records - by the father’s name.
As for my mother-in-law’s brother Frank or in Hebrew, Ephraim, he was born and died well before she was born. She and her sisters knew he existed, but not much more about him. They had two older brothers but they were gone before I began my lifelong passion, so there was no one who knew the details of the baby’s birth and death. Just this week, with the help of a genealogy Facebook group, I tracked down his birth and death records. Listed as Ephraim Pollock, he was born August 28, 1903, and recorded as Ephraim Polak, he died on August 16, 1904. He is interred at the same cemetery as his grandfather Leiser Pollack, and in the same section.
When Cousin Zelda, z”l, from my husband’s side, also a genealogy enthusiast, asked me to find out whatever happened to her cousins, Zev Bloom, born Wilbur, a rabbi, and his sister, Helen, I conducted a successful search. Zelda wondered whatever happened to her uncle Charlie’s children.
I found “Zev” Bloom on the 1940 census records living with his sister Helen, her husband and daughter. Otherwise, I would have had quite a bit more research ahead to find her married name. With the help of the information in those records, I found her grave and that of her spouse. Their daughter lies next to them.
My father's cousin Anna is featured in my blog post-Anna From the Farm, dated January 1, 2019. Anna’s daughter Dorothy, a single woman with no children, left no trace of having existed. Her nephew, with a penchant for genealogy, handled her affairs and filled me in on the details. Otherwise, Dorothy, a nurse, would have been “here and gone” with no legacy, and her page on the family tree would have remained incomplete. There’s a certain serenity to knowing her final resting place.
For sure, if I mail someone a letter and it is stamped “deceased” and returned, I immediately go to work to uncover the details and fill in any blanks on the family tree. I include any information I find posted online or receive from calls to other relatives, funeral parlors, or cemeteries. That was how I eventually found Leon’s final resting place. See https://jewishlink.news/monthly-sections/family-link/30771-who-will-say-kaddish-for-leon.
It took unrelenting research, but leaving no stone unturned, I found the funeral parlor that attended Leon. When I called there for details, I was told, “He died in his home in Allentown and he is presumed to have died of natural causes.” While sad, it is comforting to know that proper arrangements took place for Leon's interment. Now, with the date, city and state, and cause of death, plus knowing the location of his grave, there are no blanks left on Leon's page of the family tree.
October 23, 2021, on a Facebook group where I am a member, someone posted:
“So you have found and confirmed, either through DNA or paper trail, your 3rd or even 2nd cousins. Now it appeared they are not very much interested in their family. Or maybe interested but not in common with your side or maybe don't want to talk about it at all.
“The question is how this makes sense for you to spend resources, time and money to find their family? I mean not the ancestors who are common with you but ppl who are pretty close to them but far relatives of you.
“Any thoughts?”
My reply was:
"It takes all kinds." My experience, in 33 years of research, has been some very wonderful finds, but there were the few who had zero interest. I feel sorry for them. That said, I've tended to win most of them over. It takes time and patience.”
Another response was:
“Was recently contacted by a maybe first or second cousin. 20 years ago I cared. I’m 75 and find I don’t care so much anymore about my ancestry. I’m coming close to being one, an ancestor that is.”
The original poster added:
“Thanks everyone [who] responded so far. Obviously the answer: do what works best for you and you do what you want - is valid too.
“To clarify I don't complain at all - ppl have [their] priorities and I am not the one to judge or whatever. My question is pretty concrete though. Why to spend time to trace let's say your's 3C2R's children if even his 2nd cousins don't care?”
A blessing for me was connecting with cousins from across the world by using WhatsApp on my iPhone. My cousin Leonid lived most of his life in Charkov, Ukraine (1939 - 2005) and, although I knew about him, I was missing an in-depth bio of his accomplishments. That was until I connected with his son, Alexey, now living in Germany, and he sent me comments about his father on WhatsApp.
“An Artist, a painter, chess candidate master etc.”
Alexey added:
“My father was very talented.”
I’ll say he was and, I’m sorry I didn’t know these things about my cousin while he was alive.
I am sticking with my mantra that everyone deserves a legacy. Of course, I would like it if those were all living legacies. Speak up family. Who are you?
Yep, it takes patient perseverance and a bit of ingenuity to document every piece of the family tree puzzle. Stay tuned for more of my recent finds from across the seas.