WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY OLDER FRIENDS?

When my daughter asked me why I have so many older friends, I should have played Old Friends,  performed by Willie Nelson, Ray Price, and Roger Miller. The song, written by Nelson and Miller, was recorded and released first by Miller.

My long-time baby boomer friends are now elderly. Yet, I still need them and friends of all ages. Having friends who span the range of the elderly to younger, who we can learn from and teach, helps us stay young and informed.

I could have answered my daughter by saying, as one contemporary cousin said, she loves older people for they’re over their self-importance. Yes, older friends tell it like it is.

For example, an instant message from one of my elder friends, Marvin, born in 1938, reminisced about “a couple named Max and Dora Krichman who were good friends with [his] parents.

“I knew them very well. You had to hear Dora say it when Max passed..... ‘We were making love and he didn't get off me, he died in my arms.’”

Max’s obituary shows that he died at age 60 in 1960, and his remains are interred at the Chudnover K.U.V. in Talmud Torah cemetery in Newark, where my paternal grandparents are resting. I wonder if they had stories about one another that they took to their graves.

Lois DeStefano, my grammar school classmate from my childhood town, befriended Pat Morris, my neighbor, who had children our age when we moved to the adjoining city. Pat was a nurse caring for Lois’s mother in the hospital. At that sad time, when her mother was dying, Lois met her mother’s caring nurse, who she now refers to as her best friend. They have wracked up some wild adventures together.

I remember frequently waving across to “Mrs.” Morris as she exited her house dressed in her familiar white nurse’s uniform. Her house stood diagonally across from the one we moved to in Elizabeth, New Jersey, in 1965. Who knew that smiley neighbor would become best friends with a former classmate of mine, a woman young enough to be her daughter?

An internet search on the subject of friends of varying ages showed: “A wider social net is cast as you move further from the formal education years: You may volunteer, join a book club, go to church, travel, or enter the workforce where, according to the AARP study, you're more than twice as likely to befriend someone from another generation than anywhere else.”

One such story that I came upon is a case in point. “My sister Joelle Bruno, 42, met Ginger Feola, 70, at a high school in New Jersey where they were both working in the guidance counseling department. When Feola found out that ‘ringing in the New Year in Times Square’ was next on Bruno's bucket list, she replied, ‘Me too. Let's go!’

“‘It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. We had so much fun,’ says Bruno. They took the train into the city together, watched the ball drop, and got on TV with Ryan Seacrest and Jenny McCarthy.

“Although Bruno and Feola are 30 years apart, the age difference is irrelevant. ‘Joelle’s so open and friendly that it’s easy to gravitate toward her,’ Feola says. ‘When we’re together, she makes me feel like we’re the same age.’

“Bruno and Feola’s times square adventure made it on tv.

“COURTESY OF JOELLE BRUNO

“Although they talk on the phone, Bruno and Feola spend most of their time in person, which isn’t surprising considering more than 50 percent of intergenerational friends engage in mostly face-to-face communication, the AARP notes. When it's possible, this adventurous duo goes to outdoor markets, concerts, or trendy restaurants. Bruno even planned Feola’s retirement dinner with their colleagues. ‘I love our conversations and the advice Ginger gives me,’ Bruno says. ‘If it weren’t for Ginger, I wouldn’t have a 403b retirement plan.’”

One response the person who posted received was, “‘this is one of the major benefits of an age-gap friendship.‘ Having an older friend helps us ‘try on’ certain life experiences before we get there — whether it’s watching a friend lose a parent or retire before we do — and feel more ready for what’s coming in future life stages,’ she explains.”

My cousin/friend Juliet, who wore out at 108, used to get a tickle over the fact that I was 40 years her junior, yet we had so much in common. My June 23, 2021, article, “The Chat of the Century,” published in the River Reporter newspaper in the Catskill Mountains, captures my feelings.

Then, there was Louie, our friend from my childhood in the Catskills bungalows, who remained one of my father’s best friends throughout life. Louie recently passed away at 101.

We shared so many happy memories with Louie that I wrote about him. The story published in the March 2, 2023, issue of The River Reporter also appears in my March 7, 2023, blog post, “Boys Will Be Boys…In The Catskills.” The poignant piece about our long-standing friendship that continued after my parents passed away talks about our meeting in the Catskills.

At the advanced age of 91, a letter Louie sent with comforting words meant the world to me after my mother’s passing in 2012. The depth of his perception of my mother, Ida, and our daughter Rina is another added benefit of having an older friend.

Are you not convinced yet? Try rereading my blog posts, including but not limited to 90 Used To Be Really Old, March 30, 2021 blog post, and Age Is Just A Number, as detailed in my January 21-24, 2022 blog post series. As I said in The Jolly Postman on August 23, 2022, "your elders have so much to offer."

Do you still want to learn more about the importance of older folks and why I enjoy having older friends? The World Of Work interview by Shep Cohen of WDVR-FM radio fame covers the life of 80-year-old Alan Perna, my hairdresser. The full interview from August 26, 2022, now archived, can be heard by logging on to world of work-wdvrfm.org and scrolling down to “Recent Interviews.”

Elderly friends need younger friends, such as me, to keep them young, listen to their sage advice, and give them a purpose and encouragement to carry on.

I told my daughter that elderly friends need young friends like her. She can offer tips on things such as modern technology, and the elders can reciprocate with a wealth of history and sage advice. It’s a win-win.