WE MEET AGAIN...AFTER 50 YEARS — Sharon Mark Cohen

“It’s been 50 years,” I shouted to Jonathan as we reunited on the porch at his friend’s house. “The last time I saw you, at your grandmother’s tombstone unveiling, you were six.” That was in 1972.

As we stepped inside the home a short drive from ours, Jonathan asked, “just how are we related?” Having researched our family history back to 1765, I was ready to respond that our relationship is 3rd cousins 1x removed. But, there are so many stories, a lifetime of memories, which make us feel much closer.

Jonathan and his wife Rachel, visiting from Tucson, Arizona, reached out to Paula, his father’s 1st cousin. Paula was preparing to meet with them. Her children living in New York planned to be there. They asked my husband Arnee and me to join the fun.

Paula, my 3rd cousin with whom we are very close, and Jonathan’s father, Barry, were 1st cousins. But as Jonathan commented, his father, an only child, and Paula had more of "a brother/sister kind of relationship."

A bout of the flu sidelined Paula’s visit. Additional concerns about Covid prevented her daughter Lynne and son Cory from joining. Arnee and I kept our plans, but with viruses soaring, we all wore masks out of an abundance of caution, only removing them for a moment to take pictures. It was extra special that Rachel and Jonathan’s eldest son, Ryan, popped in for the photo shoot.

That get-together taught me several things. Paula boasted that she’s “Jonathan’s g-dmother.” Jonathan added that his sister Caryn and Paula’s son Cory were each named after his grandfather Carl.

For me, memories surfaced of meeting Cousin Carl at my Aunt Cerna and Uncle Jerome’s house in the 1960s. I also informed Jonathan that his grandfather crafted a laminate table now in our basement.

My father was a mail carrier and did light trucking on the side. Using those skills, he helped empty out his cousin’s house after Carl’s passing. The table was one of the treasures my father brought to our house.

Setting the record straight about our family connections and adding details of Jonathan’s family history was rewarding. One story I didn’t get to share this time was that I vividly remember the red spice rack that his parents sent us for our new home in 1981.

A fuzzy photo of that red spice rack from Cousins Fay and Barry

Red, my favorite color, was the exact accent color we planned for our kitchen back then. From that gesture, it's clear that we kept up a “cousin’s relationship” with Jonathan’s parents.

Unfortunately, Barry’s children were not interested or maybe not informed. Jonathan shrugged off his part as a boy in the middle of sisters who took more interest.

Jonathan, an engineer, and Rachel, a paused high school math teacher, raised their three sons and are now ready to learn more about their family history. Rachel commented that she recently came across my family tree book they collected from Barry’s records. She noticed that their middle son, Aaron, born after I distributed the books, had penciled in his name.

Their children are ready for an updated version of our family tree. Now that some of the family got together, they may be even more interested.

I told Jonathan and Rachel that my plan is to complete an updated version of the tree with a photo history. I am working feverishly to get to that next project.

Jonathan didn’t know, or recall, that his father was a guest on my husband Arnee’s radio show, The World of Work, at www.wdvrfm.org. Somewhere, Arnee said, we have the tape of the recording. I’m sure we’ll find that and pass it along. From that, Jonathan may be surprised to learn more about his father than he knew.

Barry and his daughter Mona, his firstborn, came to dinner at our house some years ago. Rachel asked, “was that when he came back for his high school reunion?” That triggered the date of that gathering, which was in 2010.

Barry was president of his class at the renowned Weequahic High School of Philip Roth fame in Newark, New Jersey. He was celebrating his 50th high school reunion in Newark, nearby our home in Essex County.

Earlier, in 2003, Barry made a solo trip from Texas to attend our daughter Rina’s bat mitzvah. Years later, Rina had brunch with Jonathan’s sister Caryn living in Israel. Barry’s youngest of four children, Caryn, met with our daughter when Rina participated in Birthright in 2011.

There is a large folder of correspondence from Barry in a file cabinet in our home. There are lots of things to share.

During our warm conversation, I told Jonathan and Rachel that their children should read my book and my blog posts and listen to Arnee’s radio show. There’s so much for them to learn about their roots.

Future generations must know the family history. “Know from where you come,” as my cousin Harry Langsam, z"l espoused, “to know where you are going.” That’s why when I posted the reunion picture of us on our nuclear family WhatsApp group, and our younger son inquired who they were exactly, that pleased me.

While our children know Paula and her children very well, our son didn’t immediately make the connection. Having heard Paula speak of Barry often enough, he knew after I explained that Jonathan was Barry’s son. Jonathan left New Jersey with his parents when he and his three sisters were youngsters, grew up in Texas, and now lives in Arizona.

We ended our short but friendly visit with an open invitation to visit our cousins in Tucson. One never knows where life takes us, but I’m sure glad we had this opportunity to keep the connections alive.

Hearing from their children someday will be especially pleasing. Having our children and grandchildren keep a family connection is my ultimate goal.

Maybe our children, and Rachel and Jonathan’s, as Paula’s daughter Lynne did, will express, “the important and beloved role my parents played in keeping [their] flock aware and present of its extended family.“

From a genealogist’s perspective, that sentiment was nice to hear. Coming from a cousin made it heartwarming.