FOREVER RUTHIE — Sharon Mark Cohen

She’ll always be Ruthie to us. Born Ruth Hirschman in 1915, Cousin Ruthie entered the world before her aunt, my mother-in-law, Hilda, who was born in 1918.

On November 1, 2022, Ruthie’s daughter Lois posted on a family Facebook group where I am a member, “Remembering Ruth [Ruthie], who departed this world 9 years ago, beautiful, brilliant, classy, generous, and kind, an inspiration to all who knew her.” While I can attest to all the adjectives used to describe our 1st cousin, for several decades until her passing at age 98, many of her descendants have no idea who I am. For that matter, they barely know my husband or the family history. Chuckling at the thought, my husband said, “Ruthie was the only one who called me by my given name Arnold, not my nickname, Arnee.”

Hilda was the youngest of five girls from her parents. A brother born in 1903 died in 1904. Hilda’s mother and father had each been married before their union. Hilda’s father was married twice before and had one son with each spouse. Hilda’s mother had one daughter before marrying Hilda’s father. Her daughter Rose, whom we knew as Aunt Rosie, was Ruthie’s mother.

Ruthie was also one of five offspring. In her case, she was the eldest of three girls and twin brothers. Previous blog posts at sharonmarkcohen.com highlighted her brother Sheldon. See One Potato, Two Potato, dated March 16, 2021, and I Was Supposed To Be Their Flower Girl, dated September 20, 2022.

I joined the family when I started dating my husband in 1969, at age 16. Soon after having our first child in 1988, I became our family historian, which has certain advantages. At least I can attempt to keep track of all our relatives and work to get all their names straight.

When I came on board, I didn’t know that Ruthie’s mother, Aunt Rosie, and my maternal grandfather (who passed away in 1955) were friends from way back. He was her ice and coal deliveryman in Linden, New Jersey. Eventually, our connection came to light, and she would repeatedly compliment my grandfather’s honesty. He would hitch his horse so that he and Aunt Rosie could reminisce about their lives in the old country. That was a fact that I later learned from Aunt Rosie’s children.

There is some additional family history to share. After nearly 35 years of research, it was only within this most recent year, with help from experts on social media, that I found the records of Aunt Rosie coming to America. I was always fascinated by the family lore about her delay in getting to the States. Her younger sisters Ida, Ruth, Alice, Edythe, and Hilda seemed to have agreed that their mother was on the ship to America when her mother-in-law snatched the baby (Rosie) and kept her in Russia until Aunt Rosie emigrated as a young tween.

When I eventually located the records, it was with help from another Facebook group member on November 19, 2021. Surprisingly, the document showed Aunt Rosie listed as Rushel Pollok on 3 Apr 1912, age 17 (according to notes from her daughter Helen stating she was two years younger than she said, that would mean she was merely 15). She came to Ellis Island from Slonim, Grodno, and went to Linden, NJ, to M. Pollack. Morris Pollack was my mother-in-law’s father. In New York, in 1900, he married Rosie’s mother, Jennie, my husband’s grandmother.

Along the way, I have amassed family tree records of Jennie’s six siblings and their descendants, many of whom I communicate with regularly. A family tree line dating back to about 1809 culminated from decades of research with information on Jennie’s parents and death records showing the names of their parents, another generation back. All from Slonim, Belarus. Pictures of Jennie and her mother, my husband’s maternal grandmother, and his great-grandmother hang on our wall.

In 1992, Aunt Ida passed away at age 90. We visited her, in 1988, at her daughter Shirley’s house. Hilda and her sister Ruth (as opposed to their niece, Ruthie, their sister Rosie’s daughter) were with us. Aunt Ruth was born in 1907, so understandably, Ida had the most details to share about the family history while I took copious notes.

It was loquacious Ruth, however, who brought up the subject of a brother Frank (aka Ephraim), who died young. She wanted to know more, and I was all ears.

It took until the release of many archival records available online in 2021 for me to find the records of their baby brother’s burial in August 1904, one short year after his birth in August 1903. That was between the years of birth of Ida and Ruth.

As an aside, a stark memory from that night at Shirley’s is our ride home with our infant and getting pulled over by the police. Aunt Ruth’s quick thinking and pearls of wisdom prevented us from getting a ticket. We sat speechless as she commandingly requested the officer not to ticket us, as the baby was crying and distracting us.

Possibly her conversation was the distracter as the baby only started crying when the car idled, for he liked motion. My concern was his rear-facing car seat with the lights from the police car beaming on him. Nonetheless, Aunt Ruth used his crying to our advantage as the officer approached, and we were soon on our way, ticket, and points-free. I’m uncertain who deserved the greatest thank you, the police officer or Aunt Ruth.

Getting back to Cousin Ruthie, while Ruthie’s children and their descendants have special memories of this regal family member, we hold dear our times spent with Cousin Ruthie as with her (and our) Aunt Ruth. One significant memory of many in my mind is when Cousin Ruthie came to see the house we purchased and still live in 42 years and counting. That day, she commented favorably by acknowledging the Breuer’s chairs with red cushions we had purchased for our kitchen.

Another time, when Ruthie was married to her second husband, Jack, we were at a mutual cousin’s house party at her lakefront property in the Poconos. Jack went for a sail with another cousin, which ended in one sunken sail, but the two sailors were unscathed. Even-tempered Ruthie kept her composure.

At one of the yearly extended family picnics we attended with my husband’s parents and mine (invited since they lived in Roselle and Linden at times and were in the neighborhood with many of the picnickers), Ruthie moved her chair to a quiet area where she agreed to have me interview her about the family history. Her younger brothers, always endearingly referred to as "the twins," joined the discussion.

I recall that by then, there with her third husband, Jules, Ruthie was having difficulty with her eyesight. She very acceptingly said that she would rather it be her vision she was losing than her hearing. Then, she leaned in and questioned me, “Don’t you think?”

Although we no longer own that kitchen set, and the old-style picnics in the park with egg tosses and sack races ended, we are reminded of such pleasant memories when we think of Ruthie. Yet, as in any family, there is a bit of gossip, and with the cast of characters all gone, it’s time to set the record straight.

We heard the claim that Ruthie married the dentist Aunt Alice was dating first. Alice and her niece Ruthie were both schoolteachers. Unlike Aunt Alice, who dated but remained single following the death of her husband Hy, after Ruthie’s first husband, the dentist, passed away, she enjoyed two happy later marriages. Those marriages, unfortunately, ended with the deaths of those fine men. As for husbands, Aunt Ruth’s luck mirrored her niece Ruthie’s.

For a glimpse of Ruthie’s children, see my blog posts at sharonmarkcohen.com: Destined to Be Together Sunday Morning, dated October 29, 2019, Devin’s Art, dated February 22, 2022, and This Vase Bowed Its Head to Its Maker!!!, dated October 25, 2022.

Just as we distinguish relatives by their names spelled Sara or Sarah, Alice or Alyce, Edith or Edythe, our cousin will be forever Ruthie as opposed to Ruth, and her mother Rose will be forever Aunt Rosie to us. Our daughter Rina was named for my mother-in-law’s sister Rosie, my grandfather’s lands[wo]man and friend. May Ruthie’s and Rosie’s memories be a blessing as they live on in our family.